Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
