Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
