he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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