i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
