i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
