Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
