I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
