Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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