belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
