this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
