I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
