I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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