No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just had sex bonerless
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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