Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
