tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
