She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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