I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
