You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
