APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
