During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
