I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
