Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize