we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize