PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My hand turned me down
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
