so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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