I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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