There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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