I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
