he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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