Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
