How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
