Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
