My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
