I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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