i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I am naked and annoyed.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
