i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
