That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
