I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
