God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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