the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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