you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
