Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
