I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
