You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
