I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize