cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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