We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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