Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize