dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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