he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
