I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
