He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
