she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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