You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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