I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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