why didn't you poke me back
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
