I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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