im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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