Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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