i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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