Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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