Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
