Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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