I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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