Ambien. No doubt about it.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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