So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
