So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
