Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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